Money arguments rarely start with numbers. They start with values. One partner wants to book the trip; the other wants to boost the emergency fund. One sees joy. The other sees risk. And here is where resentment starts to breed.
Victoria Sado, CFP, sees this dynamic all the time. “The money disagreements I see most often when working with couples are caused by differences in spending habits,” she explains. “One partner may be more frugal, while the other is more of a spender. This can create tension, especially when one partner carries credit card debt and the other is a dedicated saver.”
For many couples, this tension manifests as the classic saver-versus-spender dynamic. But for Black women in particular—who are often navigating generational expectations, financial trauma, and ambition—it can run deeper.
Brieanna Lightfoot Smith, founder of B. Light Media and a wife and mother of four, knows this firsthand. “For a long time, my husband and I didn’t really discuss money,” she says. “I tried to avoid it because of it being such a taboo topic in Black communities.”
But as their family and expenses grew, silence was no longer sustainable.
Different Money Stories Can Create a Divide
Smith began noticing a pattern in their disagreements. “I put a lot of value on experiences,” she explains. “These could range from pop-up slushie dates with the kids to a Tuesday movie or a trip. My husband, however, was often focused on the basics—Do we have food, clothing, shelter, and savings? Then we’re set. Everything else felt like an unnecessary expense.”
Sado notices this scenario regularly in her work. “I believe the root cause of many money disagreements stems from how people are raised around money,” she says. “Everyone grows up with different financial experiences, values, and beliefs shaped by their families.”
For Smith, avoiding the deeper conversation led to an unexpected consequence. “This led to me developing an unhealthy relationship with work and rest,” she says. “In my mind, I needed to put in long hours and build out multiple side hustles in order to earn enough to justify my expenses rather than take time to discuss with my husband why these things were important to me.”
Instead of negotiating priorities, she overworked herself to “earn” permission. “I knew this > The Frugal Feminista and author of heal your relationship with money and Unmasking the Strong Black Woman. Connect with her on LinkedIn.
The post Spender vs. Saver? The Top Money Conflicts Couples Keep Having—And How To Fix Them appeared first on Essence.
Author: Kimberly Wilson
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